This article was originally posted on Christian Focus and is reposted with permission.
When I decided to have “the talk” with my oldest child, I fixed a picnic lunch and, by God’s grace, it turned out to be a truly beautiful moment between father and daughter. I read some portions of Genesis, explained God’s glorious gift of sex and his creating male and female as sexual beings. I allowed her to ask questions which helped me steer the conversation in an age–appropriate way. While I’m sure some of my explanations were less than perfect, it seemed like a perfect time spent together and I was so thankful to God for that time I hope we’ll both remember for many years to come. Little did I know, however, just how thankful I would be.
Two months after this conversation I was in the living room with my wife enjoying some quiet conversation as our children played in the front yard. Our yard often became the hangout for all the neighborhood children. I would typically step outside on occasion to ensure everyone was playing nice – trying to strike a balance between the helicopter parent and the neglectful parent. Before I could step outside my daughter and her friend came in. Just as I sensed that something was wrong, my daughter said, “Dad, can we talk to you?”
My daughter and her friend told me that two boys down the street asked them to have sex with them. My daughter and the two boys she referenced were eight–years–old and the other girl was about six … let that sink in. She went on to explain that they were saying some other sexual things – not her words – and they rode away on their bikes and came to talk to me.
“Part of me didn’t want to tell you this, but I knew I should.”
Then my daughter said, “Part of me didn’t want to tell you this, but I knew I should.” I praised her for this decision and thanked God for moving in her heart to bring this information to me. After I spoke with the girls, I tracked down the two boys. (Yes, they are both still alive today for those wondering.) God gave me firm but gracious words. One boy literally began to tear up and almost cried in front of me. It was that quivering lip and those glossy eyes that God used to give me this thought, "It’s not this boy’s fault. It’s his parents."
I could be mistaken, but I assume this young boy did not know what sex was. He has probably heard the word and – if we’re going with statistics – seen pornographic images. But, hearing the word ‘sex’ in the school halls or seeing sexual images on Google are not sex.
God’s definition of sex is far deeper than any image on the Internet. It’s even beyond the understanding of any adult who’s been married for fifty years. God’s gift of sex is his glorious invention that’s shared between one man and one woman in the context of marriage and it points to his love for his church. We may know what sex is, but we will never fully know the great depth God created it to be. This is what makes pornography such a tragedy.
What took place in my front yard that day was tragic. Two young girls were hurt and scared. It’s difficult for adults to comprehend the ways in which their young minds processed the sexual requests of these boys. But, it’s not only a tragedy for these young girls, it also is for these boys. Even though I tried to communicate love and truth to them, I hardly have a relationship with them. I could only do so much. Without God’s intervention, they will continue down a path of sexual perversion and hurt others in the process. I hope I’m wrong and maybe they have parents that are teaching them about biblical sexuality. But, this book is written for them. It’s written for the two little girls who came walking in my living room that day. It’s written for parents who know that it’s not a matter of if my child will be exposed to pornography, but when will they be exposed.
"One of the greatest tools the enemy has used when it comes to pornography has been this: silence."
Pornography is wreaking havoc in our culture. After serving in youth ministry for well over a decade, I’ve seen students, families, and marriages destroyed over this issue. I’ve had parents and students in my office in tears over this issue. And I’m convinced that one of the greatest tools the enemy has used when it comes to pornography has been this: silence.
Too many parents have been embarrassed or felt ill–equipped to deal with this subject, so they don’t talk about it at all. They remain silent on the matter.
Sadly, some of the silence from the parents has been due to the fact that they have secret porn addictions themselves. Other parents mistakenly think that remaining silent about it will protect their children from it. While there are numerous reasons parents don’t talk about this issue, let’s consider one way to fight against the pervasive influence of pornography in our culture.
As you’ve probably guessed, if silence has been a weapon pornography has employed, then conversation is an ally in our fight. But, I’m not simply talking about passing on a knowledge about pornography and its devastating effects, which can be helpful. I’m talking about passing on the truth of God’s Word to our children. That’s where this book comes in.
This book is meant to be read alongside your child. It is pitched at 7-12–year–olds. While some of you may protest that seven is too young, please be reminded that the average age of porn exposure is now eight years old. Plus, wouldn’t you want your children to be exposed to the truth of God’s Word about sex before they hear lies from the world?
It is my hope and prayer that God uses this resource to protect many young minds from a life of pornography. That God uses this resource to spare future marriages the affliction brought from pornography.
And, while we can be confident that God does use his Word to transform lives, we must be in prayer. This resource is not a guarantee that your life and the life of your children will be free of pornography abuse. That said, it is a mighty tool I hope the Lord is pleased to use in our fight against this issue.
More on Not If But When: Preparing Our Children for Worldly Images:
Not If, But When doesn’t just present the facts, but models for parents how to speak about sex through telling the story as a conversation between a child and parent. It shows how the conversation about this sensitive topic does not have to be embarassing, and gives language to parents who may not feel equipped to speak about sex and pornography in a Biblical way. It doesn’t cloud the issue with shame, but points to God’s good plan as well as the promise of his forgiveness.
