Two months ago, the U.S. Surgeon General issued an advisory calling attention to the negative effects of social media on youth mental health. For many who have been parenting or ministering to teens, the advisory is only stating what’s been obvious to us for many years now. In many ways, social media has been harmful to the bodies, hearts, and minds of our young people.
As Christian parents and educators, the issue of tech use is a pressing one. We know we need to engage our children and teens about TikTok, smartphones, computer games, AI, and the internet. But how do we even begin to talk about the many issues surrounding technology?
It’s Not Too Early (Or Late)
Though the topic of technology may feel overwhelming, I believe this pressure point presents an opportunity for Christian discipleship. As parents, Sunday School teachers, and youth leaders, we are being given a chance to teach young people what it looks like for all of life to fall under the lordship of Christ– and how biblical wisdom is actually the path to true flourishing.
Two quick notes here before we consider how to have these important conversations in our homes and churches.
First, it’s not too early (or too late) to make intentional decisions about your family’s use of technology.
If you’re a parent of young children, it might seem like it’s too early to think about smartphones or internet usage, but if we don’t think about it early on, it’s easy to default to whatever is easiest when the time comes. I know how easy it is to unthinkingly pass on an old smartphone or tablet to our kids just because it still has a few years left of life left in it. But whether or not that’s the best choice is another question best considered in the context of larger values and commitments we've already established.
Parents of older children may feel like we’ve already made our choices. We’ve given them too much access to devices and games to go back on it now. I’ve heard parents express this regret often–but it’s not too late. It's not too late to tell the teens and older children under your roof that you are changing family habits and why. Part of discipling our children is letting them see the ways God is molding and changing us, and it’s never too late to say, “Mom and Dad made a mistake and don’t like trajectory we’re on, so we are making a change for our family.” As Remley mentioned in our podcast episode on technology, "it's ok to pivot" and when done with humility, these pivot points can lead to healthy discussions.
Secondly, don’t just make decisions, have conversations.
When it comes to technology, parents and caregivers have the responsibility to keep children safe from the dangerous people and illicit content they can encounter online. That means making the final call in decisions like, “Does my middle schooler get a smartphone?” and “What parental controls do I need to set?” (As one researcher put it, the internet is an ocean and we wouldn't just put children out in the open water.) However, if our aim is discipleship, we need to do more than set rules and suggest boundaries. We need to have continual conversations with our children and teens about the "why" behind these choices.
I’ve found that (when they’re not in trouble), young people can be surprisingly articulate about the ways computer games, social media, and smartphone usage are affecting them and their peers. I’ve had conversations with youth about how their friends seem to have trouble having conversations “IRL” (“in real life,”) and how freeing it feels to be away from their smartphones. Even those who don’t have an active online presence are affected by it through their peers.
To serve the next generation well, we need to be initiating conversations about their ever-present reality. In our churches, we need to engage teens about the types of posts showing up in their “For You” pages and how they are chatting in their video games. We need to know what kind of products and lifestyles influencers are pitching to them, and how they are seeing Christianity represented in their feeds.
Conversations about technology can begin early with parents talking to young children about screen time or discussing content they watch in shows. When our kids were younger, we used the analogy of “junk food” versus “healthy food” to explain why we’d limit certain media content. As they’ve gotten older, we’ve explained our rationale behind limiting screen time for the sake of encouraging conversation and imagination.
Framing Our Goals
As we make decisions in our homes and have conversations in our churches about technology, it’s helpful to have larger goals framing what discipleship in this area might look like. Here are a few ways we can think about these goals from a bird’s-eye perspective:
We want to teach wisdom.
Though technology has changed over time, God’s people have always been called to “get wisdom” and “get understanding” (Proverbs 4:5.) Though boundaries and rules are necessary, they are not enough for helping young people make wise decisions when they are free to choose on their own. Our long-term goal is to cultivate discernment and habits around making decisions so that young people will know and do what is honoring to God–even when we’re not around.
We want our young people to become discerning users and not just passive consumers of technology so that when they have freedom to choose or new forms of tech arise (think: AI and ChatGPT), they have habits and instincts that point them toward godly choices. Developing wisdom takes time, conversations, prayer, guidance, and correction–in other words, discipleship.
We want to model all of life as being under God’s lordship.
One of the temptations we face when it comes to technology is compartmentalizing it–seeing it as separate as our call to glorify God and love him and neighbor. Our young people need frequent reminders that we are disciples of Christ wherever we go, even if “where” we are is on a digital platform.
We want young people to see that though the Bible doesn’t mention their iPhones specifically, it has much to say about how they use them. What does it mean to be a Christian when our scrolling is interrupted by a family member who needs help with the dishes? Is there a disconnect between what we post in Instagram Stories versus how we act in church? How do we reply to group chats with words that edify other people?
We want to cultivate love of God and neighbor.
If all of life is under God’s lordship, then the greatest commandment is applicable in all spheres of life–including our tech use. Therefore, we need to teach our young people to be aware of the ways they are being shaped in their affections for God, obedience to his ways, and treatment of his image-bearers. This means helping them see how both content and medium of technology is affecting our hearts, minds, and souls–and encouraging them toward using technology in ways that are loving to God and those around them.
Conversation Starters and Self-Reflection
When it comes to conversations about tech use, one good place to start is truthful self-reflection: What is my use of tech doing to my soul? Is it pleasing to God? It is loving toward others?
Some questions to jump-start conversations with young people and encourage self-reflection (for both adults and youth!) on usage of a smartphone, computer game, or social media app are:
How does it make me think and feel about myself and my own life?
How is it shaping my desires and what I want?
How is it shaping the way I see God?
Is it causing me to meditate on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and praiseworthy? (Philippians 4:8).
How is it influencing what I’m doing offline?
How is my tech use affecting my body, soul, mind, and emotions? (Am I crankier, more anxious, more joyful, etc. after using it?)
How is it affecting the way I treat and think about other people?
What is the cost of my usage? (What am I not doing because I’m on it?)
Am I able to exercise self-control? (How do I respond when it’s taken away or unavailable?)
What habits is it forming in me?
3. Is my use of technology pleasing to God and loving to other people?
In the end, wisdom means more than discerning the effects of tech use–it means choosing to do what is best. But starting with questions like these, we can start conversations with young people in our homes and churches, encouraging choices that reflect a commitment to follow Christ.
Parents especially can help with the accountability needed here. (I know a teen who handed his phone over to his parents when he realized the hold it had over him.) But it may also be the case that our call as parents and leaders is to be the first to acknowledge the ways we need to make changes to our own tech use too. May God grant us wisdom and grace to walk in his ways, and as we teach the next generation to follow Christ with us.
Christian Resources on Our Devices, Social Media, and Technology
As we consider how to start having these important conversations in our homes and churches, there are many great resources available. Here are some that Remley and I talked about in a recent Westminster Kids Digest Podcast episode on technology.
- Polly and the Screen Time Overload (Ages 3-7)
- Not If But When: Preparing Our Children for Worldly Images (This book address pornography and is written for the parent and child to read together and discuss.) (Ages 7-11)
- My Tech-Wise Life: Growing Up and Making Choices in a World of Devices (for teens)
- The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place
- Track: Social Media: A Student's Guide to Social Media (Track) (for teens)
- Competing Spectacles: Treasuring Christ in the Media Age
- The Digital Public Square: Christian Ethics in a Technological Society
- Following Jesus in a Digital Age
- The Wolf in Their Pockets: 13 Ways the Social Internet Threatens the People You Lead
